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Wednesday, September 3, 2014

On Being a Senior

So apparently I'm a senior in high school.

It's a weird feeling.

On the one hand, I don't want to understand why people mistake me for an adult. I don't want to understand why I'm showing up at colleges to take classes this year. I don't want to understand why my mom is planning graduation already and why I just spent an entire Saturday writing and sending a college application. I just want to keep doing what it feels like I've always been doing: enough school to be interesting and not bothersome, visiting with friends, getting dragged out of my room by my mom to do chores, and a whole lot of writing.

And on the other hand, I am so ready to be done with this part of my life. I'm so ready to move on.

I feel like I'm in a weird vortex that lies somewhere between boredom and contentment. Sometimes, I think I'm lazy, but I don't think that's true. I hate doing nothing. But sometimes, doing the same thing over and over again, even if it is required, feels like doing nothing. I'm tired of thinking about my high school transcript. I'm tired of applications. I'm tired of standardized tests. I'm tired of living at home.

Yet, sometimes I wish it could stay this way forever. I love reading to my sisters everyday. I love being free to write and edit and shop at Barnes and Noble on a whim. I love joking with my brother about anything obnoxiously serious or important. I love babysitting. I love the pool behind my house. I love the way my dachshunds prance when they know they deserve a treat. I love my life.

It's a paradox. I don't like paradoxes outside of writing and Doctor Who.

Do all seniors feel this way? I've asked my friends and many of them feel the same as I do. So maybe this post feels a bit angsty and cliche, and I'm sorry about that, but I really am confused.

Funny, in real life, I'm not one to talk about my feelings. Yet on the Internet, I basically spill my guts every time I open blogger. Maybe I should just start a diary. Geez.

All my teenage woes aside, I suppose the purpose of this post is to explain why updates are going to probably be a bit shorter for a while. I'm still getting used to my schedule, but I should have time to write a blog post every week. I'm trying to work in time for writing and editing first, so I'm sorry when I inevitably fail to blog every week.

Next post is a review for a fantabulous novel titled The Word Changers by Ashlee Willis. This review is long overdue, but I'm still really looking forward to writing it. I love writing happy reviews. They make me happy.